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The Magazine Pirate

Written By John

One summer afternoon Bruce and John were playing some games against the computer at Bruce's place. Out of nowhere, as if the wind itself was paying us a visit, there was a solid "rap rap rap" on the door. Bruce, not expecting any visitors he could think of, exclaimed "who the hell is that?" as he sauntered over to the door. John continued to lead the Dallas Cowboys over a hapless computer team, unaware of the scene that was taking place just a few feet to his right. Bruce had let in a visitor. Did Bruce know this... guy with an eye patch ?! There was a pirate in Bruce's living room. The pirate asked if what I was doing was playing Tecmo. By golly, he was right. It became clear to me that the legend of Tecmo had reached the high seas. Perhaps Blackbeard himself was on a large clipper ship somewhere, with a controller in hand, cursing the day that Boomer Esiason was born.

The pirate began to tell us of the mission he was on. He was trying to obtain magazine subscriptions. Supposedly, if he earned enough points, he would raise enough money to resume his college education. He was probably a swashbuckling major.

John continued to play his game, hardly daring to breathe, wishing desperately that this nightmare would soon be over. The magazine pirate had Bruce in an awkward position. Inside, Bruce was crying out "Why have I let this person inside my house ?" But on the surface, Bruce could only listen to the horrific details of the pirate's quest.

"I've earned 18,437 points. That's only, what, one thousand six hundred away ?" His math was incredibly sharp for a seafarer. "Certainly there's some magazine on this list you want. There's Electronic Gaming Magazine".

Mustering all of his courage, Bruce politely declined. The pirate sat silent on the couch for moments on end. When would it end ? Finally, the pirate gathered himself, and with a hearty "arghh" and a wave of his sword, he boarded his ship and sailed on to other seas. There were other people to harass. Thank goodness he's gone. Back to Tecmo...