What is Tecmo?
Player Bios
Portraits of the Enemy
Glossary of Tecmo Terms
Dysfunctional Thinking
Game Summaries
Legendary Tales
The Jack Files
Tecmo Odds & Ends
The Ultimate Pro Bowl

Portraits of the Enemy

Tecmo is not only a game, it's a way of life. And any way of life has it's own terminology that goes along with it. Listed below are the enemies commonly discussed during league play.


Jenn is Bruce's ex-girlfriend. They lived together which was good for some things, but bad for Tecmo. Jenn tried everything to eliminate Tecmo from his life even going so far as to prohibiting all Tecmoing in the house while she was home and awake. She called it "that damn game." Bruce called it "the game", the only game, for him at least. Jenn refused to act fairly about all matters pertaining to Tecmo. Perhaps she was jealous because Bruce liked Tecmo more than he liked her. She had a temper like a pit viper, can you blame him? Jenn was very successful in thwarting Tecmoing in her presence, but she could not halt Tecmo completely, as Tecmo will live forever in Bruce's heart and she won't. When she found out he was about to play Tecmo, this was the usual sequence of events...


Jenn: Oh honey, not that game?

Bruce: Yes dear, the game.

Jenn: Can't you do that later?

Bruce: Nope.

Jenn: Please?

Bruce: Nope.

Jenn: Can't you go to Kevin's and do that?

Bruce: Nope.

Jenn: Why don't you wait for me to go to bed?

Bruce: Nope.

Jenn: Well, at least turn the damn sound off, I hate listening to that crap! What the hell is "HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT.... HUT HUT HUT HUT?!?! I wish you would just stop playing that stupid game! All you do is play that game! Then you call Kevin and talk about it!! That is so fucking stupid! Why can't you just get over it!!!? It's JUST a damn game!

Bruce: Sorry, dear.

Jenn: Who do you love, me or that damn game?

Bruce: You, dear.

Jenn: Then why don't you come spend time with me instead?

Bruce: I spent all day with you.

Jenn: You did not, you've been playing Tecmo all day!

Bruce: Oh...can I play now?


Jackie was Kevin's girlfriend. He loved her very much and her likewise with him. However, her love turned to fury, anger, and rage when the topic of Tecmo was brought up. She abhors the game of Tecmo regardless of it's relevance and importance in my life. Fortunately, she does not live with him as Bruce's main enemy does, but when she calls and wants to come over, this is the conversation that will occur nine times out of ten...


Kevin: Hello?

Jackie: Hi sweetie, what'cha doin'??

Kevin: Nothing much, just hangin' around..

Jackie: Well, I don't have anything to do for the next couple of hours, can I come over and do something with you??

Kevin: Uhhhh, well... I guess

Jackie: What?! Are you playing Tecmo, again!!

Kevin: Yeah, and Bruce is here, but we'll be done in just a second.

Jackie: Too bad, I'm not coming over.

Kevin: Why not? Jackie: I am not coming over until that game has totally vacated the premises of your apartment, or at least put where I can't see it...

Kevin: Come on, it won't hurt you, Tecmo has never hurt anyone. We'll probably be done by the time you get here.

Jackie: No!

Kevin: OK, OK, I'll just call you when it has left the building.

Jackie: Fine, Bye

Kevin: Ok, bye

Jackie: Kevin??

Kevin: Yes, doll?

Jackie: Do you love me?

Kevin: Yes, of course I do.. you know that I love you more than anything in the whole world.

Jackie: Even more than Tecmo??

Kevin: Of course more than Tecmo...

Jackie: Good, because sometimes you don't act like it.

Kevin: That's because you don't provide me with thousands upon thousands of fun-filled, excitement-packed hours like my wonderful Tecmo cartridge does.

Jackie: (super whiney tone) Kevin!!!

Kevin: Just kidding sweetheart (yeah right), let's talk about something else.